LawDawg

Reinvention.

2006-09-13T21:56:00.000-05:00

Okay, Chickadees. I am back to sporadic blogging, but not here. I decided months ago that, despite my unending affection for LawDawg's readers and my fellow bloggers, it would be a decent idea to try not getting fired and not ruining my personal life by writing about either on the internet. For a while, I tried to just filter those things out of my posts, but eventually, there just wasn't much else to say.

Anyway, I've missed writing outside of work, real writing without any code citations. So I'm now operating a food blog. YES, all food, all the time. I know it isn't nearly as entertaining as, say, dildo law, but I hope y'all will come by and say hello sometime. There may be a Hambags appearance in it for you.

2005-01-17T15:14:00.000-05:00

2005-01-17T11:29:00.000-05:00

2004-12-04T01:35:00.000-05:00

2004-11-21T23:33:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry. Europe is closed today.

2004-11-21T23:31:00.000-05:00

These fish were weirdos!

Dear My Sister and Others Who Don't Understand THE RULES

2004-11-18T19:05:00.000-05:00

The Official Rules of Shotgun. Read this and don't ever try me again.

YES!!

2004-11-18T09:29:00.000-05:00

I thought it couldn't get much better than Spurrier wearing garnet & gold with the Redskins. But I can't WAIT to see him wearing red & black.

I (Heart) Brit Pop

2004-11-17T20:49:00.000-05:00

Don't Panic

Bones
sinking like stones
all that we've fought for

Homes
places we've grown
all of us are done for

And we live in a beautiful world
Yeah we do, yeah we do
We live in a beautiful world

Oh, all that I know
There's nothing here to run from
Cause yeah, everybody here's
Got somebody to lean on

--Coldplay

Pretty Much My Favorite Movie Quotes of All Time

2004-11-15T22:55:00.000-05:00

Kid on Bus: What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?
Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh!
--Napoleon Dynamite

Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong - that's what's so funny. I switched glasses when your back was turned. Ha-ha, you fool. You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia", but only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian, when *death* is on the line.". Hahahahahah. [Vizzini falls over dead]
--The Princess Bride

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." -- Animal House

"I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings 'When a Man Loves a Woman.'" --Office Space

"You're so money, and you don't even know it." --Swingers

"A Sheldon can do your income taxes. If you need a root canal Sheldon's your man, but humping and pumping is not Sheldon's strong suit. It's the name. Do it to me 'Sheldon', you're an animal 'Sheldon', ride me big 'Sheldon'. Doesn't work." --When Harry Met Sally

You are a fucking ugly bitch and I want to stab you to death and play with your blood. --American Psycho

Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, bandejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."
The Dude: Jesus.
Jesus Quintana: You said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
--The Big Lebowski

Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! --Zoolander

7's the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 doors. 7, man, that's the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin' on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tale from the sea. It's like you're dreamin' about Gorgonzola cheese when it's clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office. Why? Cause you're fuckin' fired. --There's Something About Mary

"If you need a friend, get a dog." --WallStreet

The Lady Chablis: "It's like my mother always said, 'two tears in a bucket, motherfuck it.'" --Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil

Rhett Butler: I've always thought a good lashing with a buggy whip would benefit you immensely. --Gone With the Wind

2004-11-15T01:04:00.000-05:00

World on Fire.

2004-11-15T00:06:00.000-05:00

It's almost Thanksgiving. Thank You.

1337

2004-11-12T01:47:00.000-05:00

Trebek gets owned by his CMU CS major, College Jeopardy champion. D0 y0u 5p33k 1337? (Did you hear he's a CS major? At CMU? Did you get that part?)

31337 h4x0rz pwn j00, >_/V<

2004-11-11T14:55:00.000-05:00

The Sweater Project.

2004-11-11T14:46:00.000-05:00

New soda flavors for the holidays: mashed potato, turkey & gravy, fruitcake, cranberry, green bean casserole.

Do-it-yourself!

2004-11-10T23:42:00.000-05:00

Make your own dirty punk anarchy music.

And your own triple distilled vodka from nasty cheap vodka.

LawDawg's Christmas List

2004-11-10T01:05:00.000-05:00

Link Fest

2004-11-09T13:37:00.000-05:00

Okay guys. So the X Prize thing didn't work out for us, but what about this new one? I really think we could pull this off - in between studying for exams, of course.

(Sorry, this link fest turned into only one link. DEAL WITH IT)

Who took my frog

2004-11-08T01:56:00.000-05:00

If I looking for frog

him name is hopkin green frog

p.s. i'll find my frog

2004-11-07T23:44:00.000-05:00

The Devil can take on many disguises. Here we see Satan in the form of a ground squirrel.

Immediate Job Opening at CNN

2004-11-04T18:04:00.000-05:00

This morning on Netscape/CNN's website, there was a story about the election with a picture of George & Laura Bush. If you had been looking at the site, and wanted to save the picture, you would have right clicked on it, hit "save as," and a "save as," box would have popped up. You'd then see that the default picture title given by the poster was "asshole.jpg."

Here's a screen shot of the properties.

It was gone after 10 minutes.

Nice prank, hope it was worth your job!

Protect Yourself

2004-11-03T23:53:00.000-05:00

Don't be a victim of Goat Trauma.

"Even though a goat ate my arm, thanks to the CGTF I've been able to stop hiding behind drugs and alcohol and face the world again. I'd recommend the CGTF to anyone!"

A Virtual Debate

2004-11-01T23:01:00.000-05:00

Ralph Nader finally loses it. This stuff cannot be made up.

I have an awful cold OR Have I just been stampeded by a herd of buffalo?

2004-10-31T22:31:00.000-05:00

All is well back at the ranch, except that I'm sick now (despite having taken double doses of Vitamin C for the past week). Feel sorry for me. (But don't bring chicken soup, yeah, that is disgusting).

I took a ton of pictures of the blood moon, and if I could find my USB cord, I would upload them here in a killer time-lapse presentation that would so display my elite skillz that the rest of you mothers who tried to step would be crushed. But I can't find that cord, so step off.

Happy Malloween.

2004-10-28T22:24:00.000-05:00

Carve your own jack-o-lantern!! (On the internets, of course. Because who has time for Halloween festivities in real life?)

In other news, I'll be out of the country (er, state) starting tomorrow, so you crack fiends will have to get your jollies elsewhere! I'm going to an island. In Florida. To...work on 17,983 things. There will be no tanning, swimming, or other fun-type things. It's like a sabbatical, just without the rest or relaxation. There will be football though. GO NOLES!

TEST: Do you all want to know who LawDawg is endorsing for President? I bet you do! You may try to guess...I'll have a full endorsement essay (read: paragraph) coming up soon! All correct guesses win....um, mad props.

The stars are aligned my friends...or, the earth and the moon are, or something.

2004-10-27T19:29:00.000-05:00

Go, Johnny, Go!

Also, everyone be sure to check out the blood moon in honor of the BoSox. Please note the flowery, over-the-top metaphorical language in that first article. I mean, a scientist wrote this:

"It gets its name from hunters who tracked and killed their prey by autumn moonlight, stockpiling food for the winter ahead. You can picture them: silent figures padding through the forest, the moon overhead, pale as a corpse, its cold light betraying the creatures of the wood."

Betraying the creatures of the wood?!

2004-10-25T22:57:00.000-05:00

I know it ain't Christian Bobby, but you hate him. Just say it.

2004-10-25T22:56:00.000-05:00

Loser.

Live from Hotlanta...

2004-10-20T00:19:00.000-05:00

I'm in a hotel room in Atlanta right now. I live in hotel rooms these days. My suitcase hasn't been fully unpacked in weeks.

So, there will be a game 7. I will be watching it from the stairmaster again, while B will be watching it from the stands of Yankee Stadium. He just called me, 12:10am, told me he'd bought tickets and was driving to New York...this is before the Sox had even won it. Yes, he's crazy. And yes, med school is SO much easier than law school (those were my thoughts exactly). And yes, I'M SO JEALOUS!!!! I want to be spontaneous!

2004-10-18T22:46:00.000-05:00

#1 Baseball Mancrush

2004-10-18T22:44:00.000-05:00

#2 Baseball Mancrush

Take Me Out to the Ballgame...

2004-10-18T22:27:00.000-05:00

They have got to start making these baseball games shorter. Almost 6 hours?
Are you kidding me? I was watching at the gym, so I had to stay on the
Stairmaster for an hour an a half! Wait, I guess that's a good thing. But
really, it's consuming my life, and I ain't got time for that. I don't even LIKE
baseball. I do love a good rivalry though, and an underdog.

Oh, and also A-Rod and my new man, Johnny Damon (lovin' the burly look).

The Most Bangin' Gym CD Eva

2004-10-17T22:56:00.000-05:00

Or, This CD is the Only Thing That Will Drown Out Sorority Girls Talking About How They "Totally Partied Like Rockstars":

Rhythm of the Night, Alex C ft. Yasmin K ("...think of me and burn...")

Lose My Breath, Destiny's Child ("Can you keep up, baby boy?")

If, Janet Jackson ("I'd make you call out my name, I'd ask who it belongs to")

Nasty Boys, Janet Jackson ("No my first name ain't 'baby,' it's Janet, Miss Jackson if ya nasty")

Bombs Over Baghdad, Outkast ("Don't even bang unless you plan to hit something")

Sexual Revolution, Macy Gray ("Your mama told you to be discreet, and keep your freak to yourself")

The New Workout Plan, Kanye West ("Thanks to Kanye's workout plan, I'm the envy of all my friends, see I pulled me a balla man, and I ain't got to work at the mall again")

I'm a Slave 4 U, Britney Spears ("Kitty kitty kitty kitty....oooo")

God is a DJ, Pink ("If God is a DJ, life is a dancefloor, love is a rhythm, you are the music")

Bodyrock, Moby ("We rock the body that rocks the party")

2004-10-13T22:48:00.000-05:00

Flemish Festival, Lawdawg

2004-10-13T22:47:00.000-05:00

Notre Dame, Lawdawg

2004-10-13T22:46:00.000-05:00

Lone Jelly, LawDawg

2004-10-13T22:45:00.000-05:00

Jellies, Lawdawg

2004-10-13T22:40:00.000-05:00

Big Sur, Frans Lanting, 1999

2004-10-12T22:53:00.000-05:00

Norman Foster, The Gherkin

2004-10-12T22:51:00.001-05:00

Frank Horvat, Paris

2004-10-12T22:51:00.000-05:00

Frank Horvat, India

2004-10-12T22:50:00.000-05:00

Frank Horvat Photography, Calcutta

I Knew It!

2004-10-12T12:52:00.000-05:00

Mathematical proof that Murphy's Law does, in fact, exist. There's a scientific reason the bread always falls peanut butter-side down and why your heat goes out in the winter! It's not just that God is punishing you (although that might also factor in).

The article also teaches you how, through manipulating factors in the equation, you can beat Murphy's law, but warns (and this is my favorite line ever): "There is, of course, a [Murphy]'s Law factor to the equation. If you judge your ratings wrongly, you might be too optimistic - and calamity will strike," which is scientist speak for "you're screwed no matter what."

2004-10-11T17:25:00.000-05:00

My #1 man surrounded by the rest of my men.

2004-10-11T17:22:00.000-05:00

Culinary Institue of America creations

2004-10-11T17:21:00.000-05:00

Crookedest street in the world